A relationship may have a small beginning. Smiles, a letter, a hug, a kind word, a handshake, are such small beginnings for relationship. And yet what starts small can have such a vast impact on our lives. Simple gestures can start a lifetime of love, commitment, support, and friendship.
Each mother has her own unique tender pregnancy beginning. The connection between mother and child can start with a heartbeat, a movement, a little picture on a screen, or just a moment when your heart knew that you were going to be a mother, such tender small beginnings for such a sweet relationship.
My relationship with baby Loftus started small, just two pink lines on a stick. My son Kyle had just turned three years old and Charlotte was one. Needless to say, I was a bit worried if I could handle three kids under the age three. But, as the weeks went by anticipation started to grow in my heart. Slowly, my nervous thoughts melted away into sweet dreams for my new little one growing inside me.
At 13 weeks gestation my relationship with baby Loftus changed, I started spotting. And for some reason my mother’s heart knew my baby was dead. I pleaded with God not to let this happen to me. I told God I could not handle losing my baby. But I continued to bleed and on Father’s day June 2007 the ultrasound confirmed what I had known all along, my baby was gone…and my heart broke.
The next few months were filled with tears. I remember looking at pregnant bellies and an ache would fill the emptiness of my womb. It was such a hard time. As time passed the intensity of grief lessened. I use to be afraid that if I stopped crying I would lose my connection to my little one and her memory would fade away. Even though it was a bittersweet relationship, I did not want to forget baby Loftus.
So, I tucked her softly in folds of my heart and there she rests. Some days, I find myself gently tapping my hand on my heart, with a gentle sway in my body, and quiet hum on my lips remembering the sweetness of my relationship with baby Loftus.
Luke 2:19 (NIV)
19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.
P.S. if you have suffered a similar loss, would you leave a note below? What has helped you through? Or if you are still struggling, would you leave a message so we can pray for you?