Most of us want to simplify Christmas, but we hesitate because we know everyone in our family won’t agree. Still, it’s so important to push past our fear and have these (sometimes) tough conversations about holiday gifts & get-togethers!!
A few years ago we had just finished a Christmas celebration and gift exchange, and as soon as we got in the car, I started my rant:
“Oh my goodness, did you see what they got me for a gift – a jar candle?! It was like they said, ‘What’s the most thoughtless gift we can give Dawn?’”
And as I was telling this to Tom, I was disgusted with myself – What is WRONG with me?? It’s Christmas, what am I doing?!
I had put a lot of thought and even extra money into the gift that I had given in the exchange, and it felt like they had put no thought into my gift.
I was also frustrated by the fact that I didn’t even want to do the gift exchange in the first place — WHY did I agree to it and go along with it? WHY didn’t I just stick to my guns and say no, I don’t want to do this gift exchange?
And then I felt further guilty because this is NOT what Christmas is all about!! This really isn’t the spirit of the season!
Even if I received a gift that I thought was a bit lame, I still should have been able to focus on the time that we got to spend with our friends and family and enjoy that time together.
Or watch this video on YouTube here!
The desire to simplify gifts
You can probably relate to this – you WANT to simplify gifts, but your mother-in-law or sister or kids or spouse won’t agree.
Of course, we don’t want to be selfish. I’m a people pleaser through and through, and definitely do NOT want to unnecessarily bring on conflict for our family. And chances are, you probably are too!
But if we just keep going along with it to make everyone else happy, we will continue to set ourselves up to be frustrated and feel resentful towards the people that we’re supposed to care about the most — our friends and family.
And I know, these conversations aren’t always easy to have!!
What about the people who value gift-giving?
I have people in my family whose love language is gifts, like my sister and my dad. So for quite awhile I still went along with the gift exchanges because I knew that it was important to them.
But I’m realizing that no material gift makes anybody happy. You can still respect their love language, but it doesn’t have to be an expensive gift. It’s more that they’re being thought of with some kind of physical action.
You could bring a favorite food or even just write a thoughtful card. It doesn’t have to be something big to honor a gifts person. You can still recognize them in meaningful ways without having a full-blown gift exchange.
Dare to speak up — others may feel the same way that you do!
I want to challenge you to step outside your comfort zone!
If there are gift exchanges or different holiday traditions that you don’t agree with anymore, or that cause unnecessary stress, speak up and say something! Be true to yourself, even if things don’t change this year.
It took at least a few years till we actually got Christmas to be more simplified, and we’ve still had to discuss it a few times since then. But it IS worth having the conversation!
There are people in my family who I didn’t expect would agree to it, and but when I sent a really tactful email about how we wanted to simplify Christmas, they replied, “I think that’s a great idea!”
What!? Was it really just that easy? I had built it up in my head that this was going to be really hard!
And of course, they might get frustrated or complain to somebody else about it or call you selfish. But you’ll never know if you don’t try!! They may even want some of these exchanges to go away too!
How to have the discussion about opting out of gift exchanges
I’m really glad that I had the courage to speak up, because our holidays have changed quite a bit and it’s been really awesome!
If you need ideas on how to have this discussion, here are some suggestions:
> How to get or opt out of Christmas Gift Exchanges (without looking like a Scrooge!)
>> 5 Effective Phrases to Opt Out of Christmas Gift Exchanges with Friends, Family or Co-Workers
If you’re going into debt and spending money that you don’t have just to please someone else, it’s not right to be buying gifts for other people.
You won’t wreck someone’s Christmas if you don’t participate in a gift exchange!
It doesn’t always have to be all or nothing
There are no perfect solutions, but you need to do what is best for you and your family — whether it’s saying NO to gift exchanges or certain get-togethers, or just letting friends and family know that you want to enjoy this upcoming season, and not be stressed out over buying gifts.
You can’t enjoy the Christmas season if you continue to say yes just to make everyone else happy!
If you have talked to your friends and family and opted out of gift exchanges or found other ways to celebrate together, would you share that with us? It can be so encouraging to hear others’ stories!
Wishing you all the best as you work towards simplifying your Christmas traditions!!
A few more posts to help make your Christmas merry!
Our 6 FAVORITE Christmas Minute to Win it Games (All with Dollar Store items!)
How to Create a Holiday Budget (when YOU’RE BROKE!!) & Save MONEY!
5 Things It’s Important to Declutter BEFORE Christmas (& tips to do it QUICKLY!!)
DIY Family Photo Ideas on Your Phone (Tips & Poses from a Professional Photographer!)
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We’re a big family and every year everyone used to get together at our house. We’d spend two days before Christmas preparing and two days after Christmas cleaning up.
I’m in South Africa so December is hot but the family still wants the traditional Christmas dinner which means being in the kitchen when I could be in the pool!
It eventually just got too much, so now every second year I just opt out. I literally say, Christmas dinner is not at our place this year. We’re braaiing and spending the day with a book or swimming. Merry Christmas everyone.
There is serious grumbling every time but they get over it and I get to enjoy a peaceful, relaxing Christmas with my hubby.
This year we’re actually going to my daughter for Christmas. It’s a cold meats and salads potluck, which is perfect because I can start preparing/cooking a couple of days in advance and enjoy a far more relaxed Christmas.
She also refused to bow to the wishes of others, simply stated this is what we’re doing, join us if you like.
I wish I had done the same thing years ago …
We’ve tried to get creative. We did an all dollar store gift/consignment toys gift giving. This one was a lot of fun because most of the dollar store gifts were craft supplies…so they get used up and don’t live in my house forever. Plus…I wrap every little thing (in the cheap dollar store wrapping, tissue/whatever looks fun). So my kids open toothpaste and are still excited :). We are planning on a larger gift for all three kids this year, so it’ll be the only “thing” they receive. I had a thought to take a picture of where the gift was set up, cut the picture into puzzle pieces, and then wrap each of the puzzle pieces…then they get to put the puzzle together and go find their big gift.
We have 4 kids, 3 are married and there are 4 grandkids. I forced my hand a few years ago for a gift drawing. Everyone now gets a small something from us, and 1 gift (with a price limit) from whomever has their name. It cut my Christmas shopping bill in half and my Christmas Stress by about 80%. Only had 1 that didn’t want to simplify things. She hasn’t said a negative word about it since the first year.
Best decision ever.
This year, we are decluttering our decorations. While I dread it, I know we have enough for a house 4x larger than where we are living. I just gotta suck it up.
Yes! These are great ideas! I faced HUGE guilt for years: we couldn’t afford to by everyone the gift I felt they deserved, but we didn’t want to go in debt for it. It all felt so … inadequate, year after year.
Here’s the solution that worked:
One year, we made our favorite from-scratch homemade bon bons, put $cash in a small ziplock baggie in the bottom of a mug (we already owned!), piled bon bons on top… They loved the bon bons! And they ate them that day! And when they found the surprise cash at the bottom – They we’re thrilled!!
Now we make homemade chocolate chip cookies every year, put a little money in the bottom of the container, and watch them turn the container upside down. :)
Enjoying Christmas,
Melissa
My husband’s family is huge (at least from my point of view). He had three siblings and 4 step-siblings. For Christmas, the siblings and their partners would do “Secret Santa” – the grandchildren would get presents of their own. Then one brother (who is living a rather minimalist lifestyle) suggested that each couple should give money to charity instead of giving gifts and thereby paying for something you couldn’t be sure the gift receiver would like or could use. I think that this is an awesome idea! In our family, everyone has enough money to fulfill their smaller wishes or even the bigger ones, so why shouldn’t we give the money to charity instead of spending it on (useless) gifts? Also, everyone can decide to which charity they want to give and how much. There is no comparison or even exchange about it. And it feels really good to to something good to people/ animals/ anything in need.
I have a large blended family. When the kids grew and started having kids of their own, we decided to start having a new tradition to ease the burden. The first weekend in December, we have a clan gathering at my house, all the kids and grands come over. dinner is potluck style. Sometimes with a theme, sometimes just random. The bigger kids decorate the outside of the house with my hubby, we have a fire in the pit out back and the grandkids and I decorate the tree. No one has to go anywhere else, eat anywhere else. Its very relaxed. If any gifts are to be exchanged, we agree on a date sometime between then and Christmas to get together but its not a definite thing.