As parents, we all want the same thing for our kids. We want them to be happy and confident, and we want to set them up to be successful in life.
Simplifying our lives — our homes, our stuff and our schedules — is so important and integral to that!
Our kids all need the same things
I want our kids to be responsible. I want them to be empathetic. I want them to have a heart for caring for and helping other people.
You might want your kids to excel at athletics, arts or academics.
But regardless of how we define success, our kids ALL need these things:
- They need downtime.
- They need pressure releases throughout the day.
- They need rhythms to their day.
- They need less stuff to manage.
- They need fewer decisions to make.
- They need time for play.
If we want them to develop to their fullest potential — no matter how we define that — it is universal that they need time to play.
Let’s discuss a few ways that we can simplify a few areas of our homes and our lives to really set our kids up for success as adults.
Or watch this video on YouTube!
Simplifying Toys
There’s an interesting article that discusses a study that shows that when kids have too many toys, it can actually lead to addictive behavior.
They found that when kids have a lot of toys, they can sometimes have a difficult time figuring out how to manage their emotions. Instead of working through their emotions, they would tend to go from toy to toy, looking for a distraction or something else to do.
Now that’s NOT to say that just because our kids have tons of toys, they’re going to be addicts when they’re adults!!
But if we want to set our kids up for success as adults, there is so much research that shows that kids thrive in an environment with very few toys. This is what leads to creative, imaginative play, as well as social skills and higher self-esteem.
I’ve definitely experienced this with our kids! Since we’ve highly simplified their toys, they play better together. They play longer. They are much more creative.
So if it’s really that simple, what’s the problem?
We are up against a toy industry that spends billions of dollars on marketing to tell us otherwise.
The good news is that simplifying kids’ toys can be done very simply and quickly. Check out this series for my BEST tips to help you simplify kids’ toys!
I recommend simplifying down to simple toys like Lego, blocks, play food and dolls. Box up the rest and only pull out toys that your kids specifically ask for. Then after some time has past, you can safely donate whatever is left.
You’re going to find that your kids play so much better! All they need is their imaginations.
This concept ties in to craft supplies as well. If you enjoy facilitating craft projects, sensory play and STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering & Math) activities, of course do that! But DON’T feel guilty or pressured that you have to!!
If your kids are playing outside, those are sensory activities. If they’re building with Legos or blocks, those are STEM activities.
As far as craft supplies, we have really simplified how much we keep. Our kids are the most imaginative when they have very little to work with, and they’re happier, too!
Simplifying Kids’ Clothes
When I first started simplifying our home, I pared down all our kids’ clothes to about five outfits each.
As they’ve gotten older, they want more input into what they wear, so they have a bit more now. But as they get older, they can manage more themselves, too!
At first I just wanted to simplify laundry and keep our house cleaner, but reducing the amount of choices also helps your kids avoid decision fatigue.
In the book Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne he says, “By simplifying clothes, you ease transitions. You offer freedom from choice and overload while still allowing for the slow and sure development of personal expression.”
I love that! And with my recent experiment with an all-black wardrobe, that’s what I want as an adult, too!
Simplifying Special Things
We have a memory bin for each of our kids where they can put their special items.
Having a designated bin uses the Container Concept by making the boundaries the bad guy. They can keep anything that’s special, but it needs to fit within a certain space.
It’s a great skill for your kids to learn that we can’t keep everything, but we can keep the really special stuff and keep it in a place of honor.
Simplifying Kids’ Activities
In Simplicity Parenting, the author found that kids were actually starting to show similar symptoms to post-traumatic stress disorder from being exposed to chronic stress and being introduced to adult topics too early in life.
Our kids are over-scheduled and their days are too full, which doesn’t give them enough time to relieve stress or to have pressure releases where they can reset. It is so important to have rhythms and for our kids getting enough sleep.
If we want our kids to succeed in academics, sports or arts, we can feel very pressured as parents to make sure they’re in the right activities and they’re getting enough training and exposure.
But we need to balance that with making sure that they have enough time to play. To have the opportunity to just be kids is so important to their mental health and brain development.
Time in front of the TV is not the same.
They just need good old-fashioned, unstructured play where nothing is being asked of them.
When we started having kids, I couldn’t believe how much peer pressure there was from other parents and well-meaning friends and relatives who thought I should put my kids in all kinds of activities.
It felt like we were being bad parents if our kids weren’t doing ALL the things!
But that couldn’t be further from the truth. I wholeheartedly believe that our kids need downtime in order to be happy, and to not be introduced to an adult-paced schedule too early on in life.
What do my kids need right now?
It’s important that we stop every once in a while and ask, what do my kids need right now in this age and stage and season?
- Do they need more downtime?
- Do they need a simpler environment to really be able to thrive?
- Do they need fewer decisions?
- Have we been accidentally introducing them to a more adult-paced life or adult-based topics?
- Do we need to cut back on screen time?
As we have simplified our home, it naturally led to simplifying our schedule and it gave me the capacity to really be able to pay attention to my kids’ needs – what they need from our home and what they need from me.
Our kids need us to be present. Just putting your hand on your child’s back can help them regulate their emotions without even saying anything.
Unfortunately, as we continue to be more distracted, and as our kids are consuming more content through screens, there is a breakdown between this ability for us to help regulate our kids’ emotions.
As you work to simplify things, the benefits that you are going to see are going to be SO worthwhile!
Will it be difficult in the very beginning? Most likely.
But is it an incredibly worthwhile pursuit? Absolutely. I think it is one of the most worthwhile things that we can do!!
I don’t just want you to take my word for it. I would love for you to check out these resources below, and really look for ways to simplify your kids’ childhood and find meaningful ways to connect with them.
- Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne
- Motherly: How many toys do kids really need?
- Today’s Parent: How many toys do kids really need?
I get asked a lot about screen time specifically, so I wanted to share a few additional thoughts on kids, technology and screen time (just my humble opinion!)! We’ve simplified screen time, and it has made a HUGE difference in our house!
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Find Ralphie from Simply on Purpose’s Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/simplyonpurpose/ (be sure to check out her saved story on cell phones!)
Are there areas that you have simplified for your kids that have really paid off?
Have you cut back on activities with good benefits?
If so, how do you find that balance?
If you have any tips to share that could help others, we’d love to hear them!
All the best on your parenting journey!
Here are some other posts you might like!
>> 7 Quick & Easy Snacks for Kids: Perfect treats for play dates, parks & potlucks!
>> The BEST Tips for Organizing Kids Toys: These short videos are SO helpful!
>> Lazy Chocolate Chip Cookie Bars (4 Ingredient Recipe- SO easy, SO good!)
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Thank you for this!!!
My kids were kind of addicted to watching tv. They would come home from school and just wait until the tv could go on. And they would watch other people play videogames on youtube. I pushed the time that they could watch forward and hoped they would start to do something else, but they would just wait longer, nagging me about the time and all.
At the same time, we would give them pocket money for cleaning their rooms (together, they are a bit young to do this completely solo) and they wanted to save money to buy something bigger for themselves. So I kind of “bribed” them not to watch tv during schooldays by offering a euro for a week. This might seem stupid, but my youngest really can’t save and buys little stuff that has no quality and he won’t play with it. So I actually wanted to help him to save money faster, so he would get his dopamine shot for buying something he really wants. So two wins actually. They play more now and we watch no tv during schooldays. They can sometimes do a game on the tablet. Next week my eldest son and I will declutter his room an decrease the volume of toys and in some weeks, I will do the same with my youngest and his room. Really looking forward to it.
I love your style in making them go out and play!!! A good bargain, or they go and have fun, without bothering me or they do a task I wont have to do!! Great!!!
thank you so much!
greetings from the Netherlands!
Nienke
This is SO good. We only got wifi when my youngest went to secondary school (we are UK) at age 11. Until then, they had to plug their devices into our router by wire and that router is in our family room. Kids are now 18, 15 and 13. Only the older two have smartphones – we made a decision they could have them the Christmas before they turned 15. They charge them overnight out of their rooms. Even my 18yo is still in that habit.
We only have one TV and their screen time is 1hr per day. It makes such a difference to the family. In the first lockdown we played a board game every day and watched a TV show together every day. I will always look back on that with gratitude.
i agree 100%!! it breaks my heart when my kids get bullied at church for not having cellphones, or because we chose to cancel our internet for a few months because it brings a lot of filth into our home, BUT that bulling is no where near as bad as what happens to our kids that have assess to screens all the time. My kids know that God calls us to be different from the world and cant understand why other kids in our church want to be like everyone else. Our kids are definitely growing up in a different world then we grew up in. I was born before cell phones or the internet even existed, and I’m trying to raise my kids the same way i grew up and am trying to protect there innocents and childhood. I encourage everyone to watch “Childhood 2.0”. It’s a true look into what axes to screens and internet is doing to our children.
I am a high school teacher and I see daily the damage that phones do to kids. I plan on having my kids go without cell phones until they are driving, and only basic phones then. No smart phones until they have jobs and pay the bill themselves. For me it’s not because I don’t want to pay, it’s because I want them to learn responsibility. “That bullying is nowhere near as bad as what happens to our kids that have access to screens all of the time.” You nailed it. I think a lot of parents are so reluctant to give their kids phones, but they cave because they want their kids to fit in with their peers. Unfortunately, their peers are exposed to so many things so much worse than not fitting in.
Thank you for this Dawn! I wholeheartedly believe in this and wish I could shout it from the rooftops. Well, I can’t, but you did the next best thing! Thank you!
I’d love to see your approved dvd list!
Such a helpful and needed video! You have such a talent for expressing these principles in an approachable way. After watching one of your older videos where you mentioned it, I began transitioning my kids to a “window” of screen time rather than making it a “reward” for chores. Although we’re not at 100% consistency I think it has already been so helpful for me to not be keeping track of who can have screen time when and how much. Your point about standing your ground when they say they’re bored is so true. I find myself burned out and caving in to the whining too often lately. Usually if I just stay calm and resolute then they see that boundary and end up happily playing something creative before long. Thanks for the timely reminder. :)
Loved this video and couldn’t agree more. We homeschool and farm with our nine kiddos and I know this can be especially challenging when kids are in public school surrounded by others who are basically addicted to screens so kuddos to all the parents trying. With three teens now I can say it has truly been worth it. We talk all the time about social media and tech use in an interactive way and share with them the reasons we choose to limit it. I find this helps a lot in them choosing to use less as our points make sense to them. People tend to be more creative, much healthier, overall have better relationships, etc. when using less tech. One of my teens says, “Why would I want to stare at a screen all day? How boring is that?” It takes practice to learn to do other things and sometimes helping kids be confident in being an individual;) We and several others we know have experienced various forms of tech hacking/tracking. I’ve been amazed how many others this has happened too and also amazed how many people aren’t aware(or don’t care) how common it is. A major thing for us is health reasons. Aside from being too sedentary, I encourage others to look into electromagnetic fields. Fascinating, and although some think it’s far out there, the electrical happenings with hearts and brains is amazing. There are many studies done that find higher rates of cancer too with increased tech use. Family meal times are a great way to gauge tech use/problems. When you spend time together it’s easier to notice changes in behavior and get kids to open up about bullying, stalking, etc. Thanks for some great encouragement, Dawn! I’d love to see a video with more ideas for alternatives to screen time(for kids and adults;) We could all use some reminders!
I loved the ideas about technology. I think, however, that kids are starved for actual parental attention. Instead of telling kids to “go play” all the time, I think it’s vital to be joining them. Take time to play an imaginative game outside with them; have a conversation about the game while you’re playing; look them in the eyes. These connections are so, so important!!
I agree with you! I have one child, and I play card games and sports with him often. My husband takes him on bike rides, plays sports with him, etc. They absolutely need time with us.
Great ideas, Dawn, thanks! Are you still using a portable DVD player for all tv time? How do you handle computer screen time, do the same schedule rules apply?
I want to say thank you, Dawn, for always presenting your thoughts and ideas in such a calm and logical manner. I love how you share your experiences and wisdom so openly – you are that friend I never had… Thank you for helping change and improve lives. A good parent is a reflective parent, always wanting to better the lives of her family. Not only is all your general “simplifying” information helpful, your family advice is stellar. Thank you for showing people the right way – God put you here for a reason, and you are answering His calling.
I have been watching your videos for a long time, but have yet to take action. With the homeschool year ending, this will be my time to simplify our family’s life. Watching videos only takes you so far…action over intention is the key. Thank you, Dawn!
I love that you brought up this topic. And what appropriate timing with summer coming up and so many kids coming of 8 hour days of school on a computer.
We have a unique situation. My husband and I had both lived without TV (aside from VHS/DVD’s) before we got married in 2007. We decided at that time to not get TV for 3 reasons: it was so expensive!!!, we didn’t want to spend our evenings in front of the TV and we knew that would happen, and I didn’t want my kids watching TV. Fast forward to 2021 and we still don’t have a TV, our 2 boys (9 and 7) have zero screen time. We homeschool and they will occasionally type a writing assignment (after it has been written by hand first). Especially in this day and age I can not be more thankful for our decision!
The pressure from family and other people to introduce them to electronics has come and gone in waves. They have seen TV at grandparents houses (mostly sports and NASCAR) and I know one grandpa will show them videos (despite being asked not to and encouraged to actually play or read with them). One grandmother even complained once “I put a video on and they wouldn’t watch it, they just wanted to play” People have voiced that they will be so behind if they aren’t using electronics. I always kindly reply with “have you seen a 2 year old pick up a phone or a tablet? Todays electronics are so easy to navigate. They will be fine.”
We read a lot, get tons of library books and have an extensive library of our own. They spend hours outdoors rain or shine and we hike, bike, and kayak. They love audiobooks in the car (we live 30 minutes away from anything, so there is lots of driving time). And in the afternoons they occasionally will have audiobook for down time when they seem super tired.
Sure there been times in our lives when I wish I could just plop them down in front of a TV so that I could cook dinner by myself or take a nap, but I have stuck with our commitment and found other ways to occupy them. Both of them can cook all of the basics, know how to clean the house, weed the garden beds, and do any other household task because they have been helping since they could walk.
I know we are the extreme. And Dawn I like how you said you limit TV to specific hours of the day. I think that is the hardest part. When we were growing up, there was cartoons maybe for 2 hours on Saturdays, TGIF, Mash, and the news. Now everyone had unlimited access to not only TV, but to tablets and phones. There are even refrigerators with screens on them! If you don’t draw very clear lines it just creeps in.
Now that they are getting older we debate every once in a while if we should introduce TV or movies, but we always come back to the fact that they are completely happy without it. We will probably start some formal typing program soon, but other than that we have chosen to stick with our commitment.
Thank you for sharing this, I will be taking a few points into action for sure.