By Allison

I am passionate about donuts.

I also love cookies, cake, chocolate, and lattes.  My perfect day would start with sprinkle donut and end with a piece of chocolate with a little latte in between. I am drawn to bakeries. On vacation if I spot a bakery, I immediately drop everything and head on in for a cake donut and a cup of coffee.

To me donuts are a glorious necessity of life.

I did not always possess this positive perspective about sweets. I use to live in fear of desserts. 

Before deciding if I was going to eat a sweet, I would evaluate the size of my thighs to determine if I could afford the extra calories. If I felt it was safe to indulge, I told myself I would just eat a couple bites.

Soon, a couple bites became the whole slice. I could just feel my thighs growing and would start condemning myself for having my cake and eating it too.  Here’s a list of my condemning thoughts I used to diminish my dessert enthusiasm…

A list of my thoughts when faced with dessert…

“Once on the lips a lifetime on the hips.”
“Aren’t desserts calorie free?”
“I just look at sweets and gain weight.”
“I didn’t eat that much for lunch so I can have a little dessert.”
“I am being so naughty but brownies taste so good.
“I’ll start my diet tomorrow.”
“I really shouldn’t.”
“She’s so thin she can afford to have dessert.”
“Honey, how about you order dessert so I can have a little bite.”

Deep down I wondered if people would approve of me eating a slice of cake or if they thought I was too fat to deserve a sweet treat.  My weight is normal but I was so afraid others would disapprove of my lack of self-control I made sugar and fat the enemy.

But my guilty dessert conscience only made me feel miserable. Distant were the days when I was excited to see the ice cream truck drive down the street and the joy of walking in my grandma’s house and smelling freshly baked cookies.  Then, one day it hit me, I wanted those feelings of excitement and joy for baked goods back. It was time for me to make peace with my inner child and renew my friendship with desserts.

How I became friends with dessert…

I eat for taste and not for approval: No one will think any less of me for eating a slice of cake.

I eat for moderation not deprivation: Eating sweets doesn’t mean I lack self-control, it means I have a sweet tooth.

I eat for ownership not for justification: I do not have to make excuses for eating donuts.

I eat to live not self-approval: I can feel good about myself and eat cake.

I eat out of enjoyment not entitlement: I do not have to be a certain size to eat dessert. I can eat cake just for the pure joy of sprinkles and frosting. 

Having a healthy attitude towards desserts has taught me the value of a good donut as well as passing on to my girls a balanced dessert perspective.  As I learn to love myself well it gets a little easier day by day to eat a donut without embarrassment.  And for that I am truly thankful.

>>If you have another minute, you don’t want to miss my most popular post right now: Talking about the Birds and the Bees with your Husband

 

 

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Part 2: What to do

What I learned about sidetracking compliments…

(P.S. If you haven’t done so, read part one before continuing!)

I have many areas of improvements.  And even though it is hard to me to believe: even with my flaws I am loveable and worthy of another’s person’s praise. 

When I sidetrack compliments I diminish my value and insult the other person. 

I don’t feel good about myself and the other person does not feel good.  By not accepting a compliment I am telling the other people I do not trust their judgment.  When I acknowledge a compliment I communicate to the other person I appreciate their thoughts.  I love to appreciate people…so why not give accepting compliments graciously a try?

So, these past two week I have been trying to graciously accept compliments.

It was not an easy task.

After numerous failed attempts, I finally did it and guess what? It felt great.  And I didn’t expect the added bonus of making a meaningful connection with another person. Lowering my guard and exposing my heart to vulnerability opened up a world of joy I never knew.  If you want to give it a try here are a few helpful pointers.

 

How to Accept Compliments Graciously 

Two things you can do when someone has great things to say about you is smile and say “Thank you.”

A few more gracious and tactful responses …

Agree vs. deny

“You did such a great job singing at church.”
“Thanks. I love singing. It is so nice to know you enjoyed it.”

Accept-Yourself vs. self-insult

“That skirt looks great on you.”
“Thanks. It is one of my favorites.”

Make a Friend vs. argue

“Your kids are so great. You are doing such a great job as a mom.”
“Thank you so much for saying that. Being a mom is a hard job and it is so nice to be acknowledged. How is your son doing at school?”

Be Assertive vs. needing reassurance

“The photos of your kids are so great. I just love your creativity.”
“Thanks. They are such great kids. I love taking their pictures and photography is a great creative outlet for me. Do you have any creative pastimes?”

Appreciate-Yourself vs. questioning

“You look great today.”
“Thank you so much. You just made my day. It was fun getting dressed this morning. Thank you so much for noticing.”

Be Open to Vulnerability vs. the bommerang

“Wow, your eye make-up is amazing.”
“Thanks! I was trying out a new look today and was a little nervous about what other people would think.”

Love-Yourself vs. devaluing yourself

“Nice sweater. It really brings out the color of your eyes.”
“Thank you. I just love wearing blue. It is my favorite color. What color do you love to wear?”

Take Credit vs. transferring credit

“Awesome birthday party. The kids are having so much fun. You did a great job.”
“Thank you. It was so much fun planning the party with my mom. Her and I put worked hard putting the party together.”

Well that felt good!

So again: even with my flaws I am loveable and worthy of another’s person’s praise. And so are you!

What do you say to accept a compliment? Share below!

 

>>If you have another minute, you don’t want to miss our most popular post right now: Talking About the Birds & the Bees with your HUSBAND!